why so many things don't actually matter

Well, Asa-here we are; near the end of journey together and I can hardly believe it.

I can't wait to meet you, to hold you in my arms, to feel you on the outside of me-but part of me is ok with the fact that I may have to wait a few weeks more.

Before I was pregnant with you, I thought I knew a lot about pregnancy. See, my Mom had nine kids,five of my sisters have birthed 10 children, I babysat throughout my teenage and college years and recently worked for years in a children's boutique. But once I really started researching more, I soon realized I didn't know near as much as I thought.

One thing that really astounds me about pregnancy is how much pressure the general population puts on a certain "due date". Less than 5% of babies are actually born on this "due date" and really-the date has no indication of how healthy or ready the baby is to be born. We actually have two dates-the one given to us by our Birthing  Center and the one I gave you since I know the exact day you were conceived. Yep-the dates given to Mommas by their doctors or midwives are just based on a certain number of days after their last cycle. That's it. A woman is asked when her last cycle was and 40 weeks are plopped on to that date and the magical "due date" arrives. Funny thing though-I for one know my cycle isn't a perfect one-and I highly doubt every other woman has a perfect cycle....and many women need more or less than 40 weeks to produce a baby.

Another funny thing? Babies born between 37-42 weeks are considered "at term". Some babies born at 38 weeks are perfectly healthy, fine and normal just like some born at 41 weeks can be in need of medical attention. Babies born naturally without any medical interventions can come anytime within this window (and even a week or two before or after)and it's a totally normal thing. Most of my Mom's births came between 36-38 weeks. Many of my sisters gave birth then, too. 

So the thing of it is, I've given myself a good six week window of "this is when Asa will come". I've completely thrown my due date out the door. Here we are, sitting in the middle of those weeks and that is just fine by me. 

A couple of weeks ago I had my first cervical check. This was another thing I thought I knew about but was apparently wrong about. I thought that knowing how dilated and effaced you were was a good indication of when you may start labor, but after reading about and talking to others I found that (especially for first time moms) it really doesn't mean anything. I asked my midwife to not tell me any specifics-and she agreed she'd just tell me whether or not my cervix had begun to "ripen". Well, she barely starts the check when all of the sudden she exclaims "Wow". She proceeds to explain to James and I that Asa's head is at a +1 station and that we should be ready to welcome this guy into the world at anytime. 

Like I said, that was a few weeks ago and here we sit...waiting.

So the lesson is...Asa, you will come when you are ready. I am healthy, you are healthy and that is all that matters. Soon enough you will be here and due dates, cervical checks and stations will all be forgotten.  

*******

So if you're a reader and actually took the time to read this-wow, bravo. And do me a favor will you? Next time you see a pregnant lady-ask her how her day is or tell her she looks great...please just don't say "when will that baby be here?". Thanks. 

Comments

[heather smith jones]

Abby, you look great. :)

[jodi]

thanks so much for this post, abby. i know the due date is just an estimate, but i can't help hoping my little sweet potato shows up on the early side of the window. xo

[Molly Irwin]

Good Luck through labor and delivery, Abby! This is such a wonderful time for you and your husband. I wish you all the best.

[bugheart]

all so true.
can't wait
to see little
asa...
and btw,
you look
great!
:)

[rachel]

Exactly- I had Olivia at 38 weeks and Zoe at 41 weeks. there is really no certainty. and my water never broke on either. I am so excited for you!

oh, and my hated one was "how do you feel?" well, I am massive and bloated. I don't know where my ankles have gone. I can't fit into my own shoes or sleep comfortably, and I'm always hot. I am awesome. But they want you to say "oh pretty good!"

[kelsey]

Abby, what a great post!! You are so right! It's good to hear your perspective on all of this.

[julie.]

Great post. I felt the exact same way. I got so FRUSTRATED at how people got SO hung up on due dates. It gave them more reason to freak out if the magic number came and went. When people asked when I was due I'd say "oh...sometime in early April" things like that. I knew my exact conception date too and I don't have 28 day cycles so I ignored the date my OB gave me the first time, and the 2nd time I doctored my "LMP" date for them so they would give me a later due date and not start pressuring me for an induction if I missed it.
good luck!!!

[kenzie]

the due date thing always puzzled me. People are totally hung up on that. It makes so much sense that it isn't always the same, I see people who are induce because they are days over their due date, chalk it up to another thing that women are not told about their bodies! So proud of you, can't wait to see your Asa.

[Raia]

Totally agree! You have the right outlook on due dates. I liked to joke that no one tells the baby the due date, they just come on their birthday! When asked, I told people "early November" when my due date was October 26. Patience is one of those things that pregnancy helps teach you in preparation for motherhood. Asa is a lucky little guy to have a mom like you : ).

[amanda {the habit of being}]

couldn't have said it better myself.

i opted for the same with my *ahem* weekly violations. and even with number 4, they said, "this baby could come any day - be prepared." he waited to make his appearance at the end of 41 weeks. c'est la vie. you have a lifetime together, waiting another week or two or three, isn't the end of the world. so glad you know your body and are listening to your instincts - you'll be a great mom abby!

[Jen]

Love this photo, Abby! Thinking about you! Xo

[laura]

ab, i'm so excited for you and james (and asa)! i love that picture. xoxo

[Char]

Abby,I promise I wont!
I had Miss J at 41 weeks...but people were asking me at 30 weeks when was she ready to join us...she was a 9lb 12oz baby...so I looked ready to pop really early on!

HUGS and hugs for little Asa.
Char.x

[Somer]

Due dates shmoo dates! Though my little boy was surprisingly close, just four days "late". The waiting got to me though. Mostly because I was so swollen I couldn't really leave my bed. I wanted to walk again! I hope you are one of those lucky ones who don't get too swollen. I should have savored those last days a little more when he was still cozy in my belly. He's getting so big now at fourteen months that I'm beginning to miss those days. So it's good that you are happily waiting. And nice picture. You're sporting a mighty cute silhouette. :)

[alyson]

oh man. I hope hope hope that your little Asa comes early and soon for you! it's so hard getting the "is there a baby yet?" comments! can't wait to see his sweet little face pop up here. do lots of walking, eat dark chocolate and have some last alone moments with James. xoxo!

[kristin]

amen he will come when he is good and ready. and he will continue to do that his entire life.
rest rest rest now. wishes for a smooth birth and healthy baby and momma.

[lia dominique andress]

i had the same mentality as you. when people asked me for my due date i simply said there was no such thing. they thought i was nuts. but i knew better. so go with your instincts. and enjoy this time with her. it is a magical experience to have her still all ours. to feel her move inside your body. it really is out of this world.

best of luck!
lda

[emily]

i've been thinking about you abby.

your first words in this post struck such a chord with me - it wasn't until i read them that i remembered. feeling shocked, after b was born - that i had thought that labor would be the end of our journey together and really. it was only just the beginning. the beautiful beautiful beginning. xo.

[Lara]

Amen!

[Jasmine]

Cute photo! I hope all is well with you both, can't wait to see Asa!
(:

[Linda H]

There are so many things that we take for granted are "just the way it is" when really they are just convention. Another is that rate of dilation in labor is a gauge of normality, or that extent of dilation is a predictor of how soon the birth will occur. Another is that the mother should make only certain sounds or be confined to bed. Another is that pushing must start at 10 cm. and that she must be told how and when. And so on. Birth is really so much more simple than modern medicine makes it out to be.

[.tif]

Also, don't tell a pregnant lady, "You look ready to pop!" I hated that so much, and I got tired of people asking me how I felt.

There is so much freedom and contentment when you're not worrying about a due date. I love your perspective on all of this. You're going to have a great labor and delivery if you keep such a calm, welcoming spirit. It's such a beautiful time, even if it does feel like forever. The last few weeks always felt like the longest of my whole pregnancy, but when you welcome your little one to the outside world and into your arms, time can't seem to go slow enough! Cherish it! :)

[kara]

enjoy this time...
and good luck on your new journey
they say having a baby changes everything...and its amazing.
be well kara

[jamie]

<3 i always called it a "due range"

xoxoxoxoxo

[Shayna]

good luck and all so true.
big hugs for your little one's arrival!

xoxo

[Doris Mathews]

Hello there! Do you usuallyutilize online social media websites?