So

(above: country roads near my Visalia, Ca home-I love that color!)

So I've been thinking more and more about Lisa's challenge-to post about why we blog. I have to say that I've put this off for several reasons. Lately it feels as though my blog is morphing into this thing so far detached from my feelings and from myself that it will grow wings and take flight. Let me explain....
  I started this after realizing that I had free wifi (thank you personaltelco project) and some free time. New to Portland I found it hard to connect with people my age here. Maybe that is because I came here to get away from so much. I am young and married-so over the "party" scene-I feel like an old soul if that makes any sense. I missed my enormous family-my wonderfully talented mother and entertaining sisters and a blog was a way for me to let them now how I was doing up here and vice verse. Then something strange started to happen...
  What a great feeling it was to have random strangers posting messages of encouragement to me. I began to form "friendships" and learned so much through other blogs. This also feed my visual appetite-and who doesn't love being a voyeur into someone's artsy crafty life? But now I find myself censoring my posts. I don't want to offend any of my "readers" (how stupid is that) and I have begun to disappear from my online "journal".
  So here it is-my promise to myself to start once again using this as "my journal". If you want to read it-great-if not-that's OK, too. Because really, I blog because I need to write-to express myself-to put something out there.
****
So---
   It was sunny today, yesterday-too. I love it so much, I really am a true Aries. I have thought a lot  lately about how I am actually a woman now. This may sound ridiculous, but it is truly a breakthough for me. Growing up among so many sisters-I always felt like I was very out of place. I wanted to be  pretty, thinner, have longer hair, wear skirts...I felt like I had to be this role-the tomboyish young annoying sister. I know that this was all in my head-I blame no one for this-it is just how I felt for so many years. How nice it has been to be far away from my sisters and experiment with my identity without fear of being judged. Now-I really don't think that most of them even care-but I definitely had a scared little girl inside for some time. It is nice to embrace the feminine now. To be a wife, to feel my age, to want to smell nice and be soft-feels good. I look at James and wonder how I ended up here-and am glad.
   I am so inspired lately. Abigail Percy's jewelry is so beautiful-I really love her pearl rings. Of course you have all probably heard of Whip-Up-it is great, check it out. Every time I visit port2port I think that Mav can somehow magically turn everything into something beautiful...Natalie of Nebo Peklo is posting more and more beauty-check it out.I need to update my blog links soon...there are so many more...
  I have been sketching lately. It feels nice to do something private. I am singing again, too. By myself-when no one is around and it warms my heart. What a huge part of my life it used to be and its absence marked. I hope James and I will collaborate soon. He has a little recording studio in our room now. His band's first show is in a couple weeks. I am so excited and nervous for them. He' s done this a lot-but still-you know.
   I just finished up a huge order and a few small ones.  I have so many new ideas...it will all be turned around soon. Brighter, prettier, more me more spring more color....just wait and see...

ps-may you rest in peace Betty Friedan
Thank you for making things change, thank you for allowing me to live such a happy and fufilling life. Thank you for letting people know that women may choose to live any life they please. Thank you for voicing the concerns of many. Thank you for helping me become a better person......

Comments

[lisa s]

abby... lovely thoughts... it will be a pleasure to add this to the list.... what and how you blog is totally up to you... i know that seems like something you know - but people have said it to me... and it has really sunk in....

i visit and love and read no matter what [couldn't even really tell you were censoring yourself]

looking forward to new things... will you show us your drawings??

and glad someone mentioned betty friedan.... really glad....
[longest comment ever]
xo

[sarah]

thank-you for your beautiful words today...

[Abigail]

What a wonderful post abby...I realy feel that some of the most amazing blogs are the ones where people can feel really free to just let rip and say how they are feeling..I think it can help too, as you find that your readers, all these distant friends that you 'meet' often feel the same way as you do...thank you for the link to my jewellery too..glad you found it inspiring :)..off now to add you to my links list so I can check in on your lovely words regularly. X

[Brenda]

thank you for expressing yourself.

[Tiff]

Abby-
Lovely post. I enjoyed reading it and learning more about you and what inspires you. Thank you for sharing. Love you LONG time!

[erin]

abby, i know how you feel about the whole "tomboyish" thing and being judged. i thought i would be able to experiment a little more after high school, but even then it was tough. i just didnt feel like i wanted to feel when i tried new things. finally after moving out of my parents, across the state line into a little town in wisconsin, im finally able to be more "me" and feel good about it. i can walk around my apt. in my apron, wear my skirts with boots, dance, do whatever i want and its so great. glad to hear that youre going to be trying new things!

[lyn]

Good for you - enjoy 'you'rself.
: )

[Karen]

Love all your thoughts about why you blog. A lot of them are very similar to my own reasons as well.

And also noticed that you had Time Traveller's Wife listed of books you were into. TOTALLY LOVE THAT BOOK!!!

[maci]

Abby,
you inspire me...